Behind every great man, there’s an even greater woman…Or so I’ve been told!

shutterstock_103154189The older people get the more cynical I find they become around the subject of love. Is it because of all the excess baggage they carry from past lovers…the one that got away, the one that broke their heart or maybe the one that lied and cheated on them. But why do people only remember the disappointment of past relationships and focus on the negative emotions it caused. Memories of love never pass, they are always with us, lingering in are subconscious. I’m not saying to walk around with rose tinted glasses on! But if you have ever felt Genuine Love, then remember it! Let yourself be filled with the beautiful memories of past love. Use those positive emotions, to lift yourself to a higher place, as love creates compassion, harmony and warmth.

I’d like to share the paragraph below with you. It’s taken from a book I’m reading at the moment. Written during the depression in America, 1937. The book is about the achievements of some of America’s greatest business men…Henry Ford, John D. Rockefeller, Thomas A. Edison, Theodore Roosevelt to name but a few. In the book, to my surprise and delight there was a chapter on love. The author states “Love, Romance and Sex are all emotions capable of driving men to heights of super achievement. Love is the emotion which serves as a safety valve, and insures balance, poise and constructive effort.”

 

“If you believe yourself unfortunate, because you have “loved and lost,” perish the thought. One who has loved truly, can never lose entirely. Love is whimsical and temperamental. Its nature is ephemeral and transitory. It comes when it pleases, and goes away without warning. Accept and enjoy it while it remains, but spend no time worrying about its departure. Worry will never bring it back.

Dismiss, also, the thought that love never comes but once. Love may come and go, times without number, but there are no two love experiences which affect one in just the same way. There may be, and there usually is, one love experience which leaves a deeper imprint on the heart than all the others, but all love experiences are beneficial, except to the person who becomes resentful and cynical when love makes its departure.

There should be no disappointment over love, and there would be none if people understood the difference between the emotions of love and sex. The major difference is that love is spiritual, while sex is biological. No experience, which touches the human heart with a spiritual force, can possibly be harmful, except through ignorance, or jealousy.”
Written by
Napoleon Hill in 1937

 

…The love Starts Within


A New way to Resolve Conflict

Conflict arises from differences, both large and small. They occur whenever people experience clashes between their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, and desires. In my own life, like many of my clients we have had to deal with conflict in our working environments and in our personal lives. I think you will agree with me that conflict in our personal lives causes the most angst. Sometimes these differences appear to be trivial, but conflict triggers strong feelings in us which reveals a hidden and often deep personal need that is at the root of the problem. These deep needs may include the need to feel safe and secure, to be respected and valued, or the need for greater closeness and intimacy.

I believe that we are all driven by six basic needs, and they are the basis for every choice we make. They are:

  • Certainty – to be comfortable, have a secure environment and consistency in our relationship.
  • Uncertainty/Variety – challenges that will exercise our emotional and physical range.
  • Significance -every person needs to feel important, needed, wanted and worthy of love. Connection/Love -everyone needs connection with other human beings. Everyone strives and hopes for love.
  • Growth- when we stop growing we die. We need to constancy develop, emotionally, intellectively and spiritually.
  • Contribution – we have to go beyond our own needs, and give to others.

It is my experience when I am working with clients that everyone must regularly meet the first four needs. I have also observed that most people have two needs that they value most above all the others and these two needs are the driving force behind a person’s behaviour. To manage conflict successfully on a personal level, you need to identify and satisfy the other person’s human needs. So I want to leave you with two questions to consider;

Do you know what your partners needs are?

Do you know what your own needs are?

Join me in a one to one session to identify YOUR basic needs and together we can find a way to close the door on those bitter disputes and find a new way to build an environment of compassion and understanding within our hearts and homes.

The love starts within